So I had my doctor’s appointment this morning and ugh… (as always you’re all free to not read all of it for any reason!)
I brought my mum, because it makes me feel a lot less anxious about the appointments, but one of the first things my doctor did was to passive aggressively criticise me for bringing her? I don’t know why all of my doctors seem to do this…
I brought my long list of symptoms (which almost made mum laugh because besides the tinnitus she might as well have written the list) and she read it, said she’d seen a billion of these symptoms and kinda… tried writing it off somehow? And started going on one of her “a diagnosis would only bring more pain to your life” tales.
I’ve been going insane the past couple of years because my body won’t cooperate with me and people’s comments have made me think that it must be my fault my body is like this. And when I’ve finally realised that it’s not my fault, and I shouldn’t have to live like this, I’m hit by the wall of unsupportive doctors saying I shouldn’t think of myself as sick. But if I’m not sick, and my body is behaving like this… doesn’t that just bring me back to where I was at the start, where everything is my own fault?
She is so frustrating, because she doesn’t seem to see the reason why I would even want a diagnose of something you can’t really do anything about. Instead of ‘chronic pain’ she always says that I’m ‘a kind of person who easily is in pain’, and she wants to blame my pain on my mental health, even after I’ve explained I feel a lot better mentally but a lot worse pain-wise.
Even with all the frustration and counterproductivity, I did get referred to a ~health coach who is going to help me to start working out, by finding what kind of exercises that could work for me, and generally cheering me on from what she explained to me? She is also referring me to an occupational therapist who among other things is going to try a paraffin hand treatment on me (where you dip your hands in warm paraffin wax as a kind of deep heat therapy to help with the pain in my hands).
I got iron supplements because my iron level was at 10. Normally people are somewhere around 70, and the limit for iron deficiency is 9, so… yeah. Hopefully that can help with the fatigue at the very least.
She said we should wait and see how the iron works out (at least a month) before she contacts the ~Pain Clinic~ but it will take months to get an appointment there so I don’t see why she couldn’t contact them now. We realised this on the way home, so we’re going to call in and ask if she can contact them now instead.
(you’d think that having a mum with Fibro, a grandma with Fibro/EDS and a sister with very similar symptoms would make someone take your chronic pain seriously. ugh.)
When I got home after the appointment I collapsed in bed and slept for three hours. Probably would have slept for longer if mum hadn’t woken me up (because I was going to see The Maze Runner with my sister).
No more spoons left now… and I’m off to call my brother. And later pass out once again. I hope you guys are doing as good as possible.